30 Day Conlang- Time to stop f*ing around and start screwing around

So, back to the fundamental idea– writing a language in thirty days. All you have to do is image what a complete language definition is and then divide by thirty. So I solicit some advice on the Conlang mailing list and get lots of good advice.

The language is done when it has it’s first native speaker.
A native speaker is someone who speaks that language from birth. So, if you noticed, one of the key elements of the language definition here is a living, human child. So if we we aren’t making babies, then were just fucking around with tangential materials. It is time to get down to the hard work of screwing around.

A Modest Proposal for a Conlang Design Agenda
This isn’t entirely without precident. When previously dead languages are brought back to life, a couple will need to resolve to learn a language as a second language and use it at home extensively enough that the child will begin to use it. Eliezer Ben-Yehuda and his wife got the language going again by speaking only Hebrew at home around their son, who did eventually figure out the language, despite the Hebrew as a second language skills of his parents. Later Hebrew really took off because it was taught at the public schools. Unless you have your own nation state, you won’t be able to jump start your conlang by the second route, but the first route isn’t in the realm of science fiction, just merely difficult.

It will take more than 30 days. At least nine months just to prepare the initial materials. Before you get that far, you will also need to find a suitable boyfriend or girlfriend. Since this language doesn’t exist in the outside community, it will become the “bonding language” or language that a kid uses with his parent(s). Kids vary and it’s hard to say if they will keep using it with their parents. People also have a habit of switching to the language that facilitates communication. So if you speak your own conlang poorly, but speak English, your child may be tempted to speak only English to you as soon as they realize how much more effective that is.

The optimal scenario is:

Marry a monolingual foreigner-someone who doesn’t speak your mother tongue
Move to a community where your mother tongue isn’t spoken–so that your child doesn’t learn your mother tongue.
Speak only your conlang at home–but of course! How else will this become a living language?

Since your child never learns your mother tongue and you speak the language of the community as a second tongue, then the easiest and most effective language for communication will be the conlang.

Next Generation
A language is dead as soon as it is no longer being taught to the rising generation of children. So to keep the language alive, you really need not just a spouse that is willing to speak a conlang at home, but you need to recruit people to the “club” so to speak.

From research in Anthropoly and space colonization, the rule of thumb is that you need to have 50 to 500 members of your conlang club to have a viable and genetically healthy community.

So the recipe for a conlang
Find a girlfriend/boyfriend who is also a conlang enthusiast or is willing to speak an unusual language at home. This is the moral equivalent of speaking a really, really rare living language at home, since opportunities for using it out of the house are pretty low.

There currently are tens if not dozens (as in more than a single dozen) of people on OkCupid world wide with an expressed interest in conlangs.

Step two. Make a baby. There are instructions, both textual and video, elsewhere on the internet.

Step three. Speak your conlang exclusively at home.

Step four. Document the form spoken by your child or children.

Piece of cake. You now have completed your conlang.

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